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3 Steps to Quashing Negative Self-Talk

In my last post I promised to give you some starting points to address the negative thoughts in your head…

As lawyers, we are particularly subject to them because of our upbringing, our training in law school and whatever it is that has us become lawyers seems to be a control or perfectionism that also correlates with beating ourselves up and negative thoughts.

For example, one lawyer recently shared with me that after having his first $11,000 day engaging three clients using our systems, he convinced himself that it was a fluke. He wouldn’t be able to do it again. It was luck. When in fact it wasn’t luck or a fluke at all, he had studied, he’d applied the system that we taught him and he actually created something predictable and replicable.

But without a foundation of beliefs to support that he could convince himself that it’s not and that $11,000 day could become a fluke.

So what can we, as lawyers, do to address and repair this negative thought syndrome that is holding so many of us back?

Step One: Awareness

Well, awareness is the first step, so congratulations. If you’ve read this far it might be because you were late to the epidemic. You can see in your own life how it’s affecting you and it’s not getting you the results that you want.

So you’re already aware. Now what? What can you do to make a shift? First and foremost would be to get clear on what you want. If you don’t want things to be the way they are, how do you want them to be? Describe it. Write it out.

So for the lawyer I described earlier he might say, “I want to have regular $11,000 days. I want to feel confident in my ability to engage clients on a regular basis. I want to celebrate when I do engage clients rather than convincing myself it was a fluke or luck.” That would be step one.

Step Two: Name the Limiting Beliefs

Step two would be to then make a list of all of the reasons why you feel you can’t have that reality.

For example, you might say, “I can’t have that reality because there’s a part of me that doesn’t believe in myself, that doesn’t believe that I can actually follow a system.” Okay, well, that’s a limiting belief and now that limiting belief that you can’t follow a system can be worked with doing deep change work.

Now, deep change work doesn’t mean that it has to take a long time, be expensive or complicated. It just means that it has to be a process that goes deep into your psyche to uncover the subconscious belief, the root of the belief that you can’t be trusted to follow a system and that might now even be the belief that is holding you back.

And so part of the deep change process work that you can do can be to uncover what the actual belief is. And it might not even have anything to do with your law practice at all, with engaging clients at all, with making money at all.

Step Three: Seek the Origin

So the next step to elicit that belief would be to feel into your body what does it feel like when you feel this belief. What does it feel like when you feel the belief that it was just a fluke or luck, to feel the belief that you can’t actually follow a system?

Feel that in your body now. And now, feel back to the very first time that you ever felt this feeling. That’s where the key to resolving this is. Now, the beautiful part about this work is that you end up healing many wounds from childhood, from generational hand-me-downs. And to me, that’s the actual purpose of why we’re in business. This is going to get a little woo-woo so feel free to stop reading here if you don’t want the woo-woo.

But my belief is that you became an entrepreneur to feel these feelings, which you wouldn’t have to feel if you weren’t an entrepreneur necessarily. You wouldn’t have to feel if you weren’t a lawyer possibly, but you chose that path so that you could feel these feelings and resolve them at the root level, and that  that is actually the key to the happiness you’re looking for.

It’s not actually engaging more clients. It’s not actually having more $11,000 days although that is certainly nice. It’s actually the happiness that you’re seeking and is behind the resolution of these core beliefs at the root level.


Interested in learning more?

About the Contributor
Alexis Neely is a bestselling author and has been a frequent guest on numerous network talk shows and news broadcasts. After graduating first in her law school class from Georgetown Law, Alexis clerked for Senior Judge Peter T. Fay on the 11th Circuit Court of Appeals and then began her career at the #1 AmLaw rated firm of Munger, Tolles & Olson. She went on to build her own law practice into a million dollar a year revenue generator within just three years by creating a revolutionary New Law Business Model you’ll hear about on the call. She is a leading expert on teaching lawyers how to attract more clients, engage those clients at higher fees,* and to serve those clients using this completely different law business model. Lawyers using Alexis’ systems report far more happiness, bigger bank accounts, and that they love being lawyers again.

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