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Lawyer Tips: How Negative Self-Talk Holds You Back From Success

blog 83bI think lawyers have it the hardest of all the professions in terms of that negative judgmental voice in our heads.

It was that voice, the one that told me that I would fail, that I was stupider than everybody else and that I would never be successful that actually drove me to graduate first in my class from Georgetown Law. I allowed that voice to convince me that I needed to study harder than everybody else because otherwise I would fail.

So, in a way, that voice served me, and as a result, I carried it with me for years, thinking that I needed it. I needed it for my success because if I didn’t have it, if I didn’t have a part inside harassing me, I wouldn’t do what I needed in order to be truly be successful.

And while that may have been true for some period of time, what I’ve realized is that voice actually kept me from true success because any success that came from it didn’t feel like true success. It felt tainted…

I would receive the success like graduating first in my class or building a million-dollar law practice, and I would judge it, I would hide it, and I certainly wouldn’t celebrate it because I believed it was a fluke.

I thought I was alone in this until recently when one of the lawyers in our Personal Family Lawyer Program emailed in response to a newsletter we wrote and shared some of the specifics of his internal voice.

He shared that he had recently had his first $11,000 day engaging one client for $4000, another for $6000, and another for $1000. And rather than celebrating it, bragging about it, announcing it, or allowing himself to know that he had finally made it…

He convinced himself that it was a fluke, that he wouldn’t be able to do it again, that it was a random accident or happenstance.

Tragic, isn’t it?

Luckily, he did recognize that this negative self-talk was keeping him from the true success that he wanted.

When I read his letter to us asking for support around this topic, I realized  that over the past two years, I have found a way to quell this voice inside of me. I no longer have a voice that tells me I suck. I’m no longer driven by fear but instead led and pulled by desire. It’s a radical shift in my way of being.

blog83cAs a result, I am now feeling success all the time — true success — and it feels great. I’m no longer motivated by the voice that says, “You’re stupid. You need to prove yourself. That success you’re having is random or happenstance or an accident.”

Today, instead, I have a voice that says, “You’re awesome. You’re doing it. It’s all happening. Yes! Go for it! You can! All is well. All your needs are met. You can trust me. I can trust you.”

From that place, with this voice supporting me, anything I do, even if it appears to be a failure on the outside, feels like success because I know I love myself regardless of what happens or others think.

My intention here is not just to support you in building a law business you love with strategies and techniques and tactics for attracting clients and engaging clients and serving those clients in a new way and turning them into raving fans, being loved by them and loving them (A.K.A. My mission. 😉 )…

But I also intend to support you to truly come into a love relationship with yourself, to meet that voice inside of you that says you suck and you’re not enough, and to give it what it needs so that it can relax and instead become your biggest ally; your best fan. When that happens, well, I look forward to that day for you.

So, to begin with, what would be helpful for me is to hear the flavor of your own inner, negative voice. To do that, because I’m sure you want to keep it private, send me an email at [email protected], and let me know what that voice says to you. How does it speak? How do you hear it?

In the coming weeks I will write some additional posts that speak directly to what you need to hear in order to make the most massive shift you’ll ever make by relaxing that voice, serving that voice in a way that allows it to transform from your biggest critic to your best and biggest fan.

Because you deserve to feel amazing about your successes, too, don’t you? I think so.

For now, if you’re ready to get off the hourly billing treadmill

About the Contributor
Alexis Neely is a bestselling author and has been a frequent guest on numerous network talk shows and news broadcasts. After graduating first in her law school class from Georgetown Law, Alexis clerked for Senior Judge Peter T. Fay on the 11th Circuit Court of Appeals and then began her career at the #1 AmLaw rated firm of Munger, Tolles & Olson. She went on to build her own law practice into a million dollar a year revenue generator within just three years by creating a revolutionary New Law Business Model you’ll hear about on the call. She is a leading expert on teaching lawyers how to attract more clients, engage those clients at higher fees,* and to serve those clients using this completely different law business model. Lawyers using Alexis’ systems report far more happiness, bigger bank accounts, and that they love being lawyers again.

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